"Dying is an important part of living": Lessons from a hospice volunteer
July 8, 2024HopeHealth's volunteers give so much of themselves to help our hospice patients and families. And in their humble way, they're often quick to say they take something away too — including some profound life lessons.
Here, one hospice volunteer shares a few of the lessons he's learned.
> Make a difference in someone's life: Become a hospice volunteer
Lesson #1: Our everyday moments are filled with meaning.
The day after Claude Tetreault completed hospice volunteer training, his mind buzzing with insights about death and dying, his father had a major aneurysm. The doctor announced that he would not last the day. The family, including Claude and his two brothers, gathered around the hospital bedside.
"I thought: Right. Hospice training. What would dad want for comfort right now?" says Claude. "Everybody was looking at us three boys as we contemplated what that was."
Ultimately, they decided on the things their father knew best: a well-worn quilt, a favorite vase filled with fresh flowers, and his mother's voice on the phone.
At the end of their father's life, it was clearer than ever: The most familiar moments are often where we find the most meaning.
> Read: How to be present with a loved one at the end of life
Lesson #2: Small acts of service matter.
When he first began meeting with hospice patients, Claude worried about how much he could really help. How would he know what to say? What to do? A team member reassured him: "In every home we walk into, there are plenty of signs of what's important to the person. Just look around."
Claude took that message to heart. At one patient's home, he noticed shopping bags from the local grocery store — so he suggested they go grocery shopping together. It's now one of their weekly rituals.
It's such a simple activity — the kind of thing we tend to take for granted, or even complain about as a chore. But for this patient, getting to do his own grocery shopping represents independence, quality of life, and a chance to be part of the community.
For the rest of us, it's another life lesson: "To make a difference for someone else, we don't have to be magical or revolutionary. We just need to meet people where they're at, in the best way that we can," says Claude.
> Read: "Dear Veteran": A letter-writing campaign reaches veterans at the end of life
Lesson #3: To truly be there for someone else, try to see the world through their eyes.
"It's not about you." Every time Claude prepares to meet a patient and family, he still reminds himself of this.
Hospice patients and their loved ones are facing some of life's most challenging, vulnerable moments. Their care teams work hard to make sure they feel safe, seen and valued for exactly who they are.
Which means leaving any judgments or preconceptions at the doormat.
"It's about looking through a different set of lenses. We all have our own way of seeing things, and our own version of what life looks like. When I put myself in the other person's shoes, I show up a lot better than when I don't," says Claude. "It's simple, but it's not easy."
> Read: "This work has changed me": Q&A with HopeHealth's chief medical officer
Lesson #4: Dying is an important part of living.
Decades ago, when Claude completed the final day of hospice volunteer training, the instructor left the class with this thought.
"'Dying is an important part of living' — that was her closing statement," says Claude. "I've said it a hundred times since. It still gives me goosebumps."
When he meets with patients and families, it's always on his mind.
"In our society, many people shy away from death. But as hospice volunteers, we have the chance to embrace this important part of life," Claude says. "We learn that the experience can be so rich and meaningful. It can be beautiful. It's an opportunity to embrace the important things in life."
